Tuesday, July 16, 2013

What is God calling me to?

While I was in prayer God spoke to me. I saw lightening bugs and marveled at how they would blink. Does the light serve a purpose? Other bugs don’t need to light. Just as lightning bugs flash in an instant so also God gives us signs that pop up for an instant. Being practical we want the lights to stay on, but that is not their purpose. If God were to allow signs he give us to go on for too long they would become a distraction, the flash of a sign is only to confirm our faith and wonder in almighty God. God in fact has been using signs to direct me toward a future ministry. I am not sure how or what it is, but I know something is coming. It is however a challenge to stay focused on God when he sends me blinking signs, much like the fireflies I mentioned earlier. I was going to serve at a very large well known Christian Festival, and I was asked by a close pastor friend to work as his assistant in the prayer tent. I was unsure at first if I should accept this especially since I am not the most extraverted person, and my prayer life has always been quite personal, but I had decided I needed to make a decision by a certain date. The date finally rolled around and I began some serious prayer in the car on my way to work to figure out if God was calling me to serve in the prayer tent or stay committed to the job that was already assigned to me. God gave me a sign. God placed a thought in my mind as I prayed that I would know what I was to do when I got to my job. When I arrived at work I walked quietly to the office to sign in. There were two people talking and one of them said I will pray for you. I never hear that at work, and they were the first words I heard that day, so I knew God was giving me a sign. Had I not been tuned into God to hear him tell me I will know what to do when I got to work then I probably wouldn’t have thought much more about the incident besides the fact that it was unusual. At The Festival I prayed for quite a few people, but I was surprised at how I knew what many of these people were feeling before they even said it, I could also feel the guilt and oppression on others that was not of them. It was almost kind of surreal and because of festival policy I forced to careful with what I said. When the weather was questionable, (the weather report said 70% chance of thunderstorms until the early evening, then it went to 100% chance we prayed with quite a few groups of kids and the rain stopped in the afternoon, and never returned. Another day a lot of rain was expected and you could see the radar map had a large think band moving across the state. It was huge, yet there was a tiny little sliver where we were that got nothing the whole time. Apparently that sort of thing is quite a regular occurrence, they have a name for it, “the split” because it has happened dramatically several times. I got to pray for an anointing on a guy with his music ministry and for a few couples, but the coolest thing was when God clearly told me to head to the prayer tent when I was off duty. I was not there very long before a lost college age kid stumbled in and said as much, that he felt a call to be there but he did not know why. We started talking about life and he was trying to figure out what he was going to do with school, life etc. As we were praying another college age kid popped in the back of the tent and sat with us. He said again he did not know why he was there, but God told him to come it. He was struggling with similar things. He enrolled in military college but was not sure it was where he was being called, so we prayed. The next day, that kid showed up in the tent to update me. He was about to leave the festival and he got a call from one of the colleges that was represented at the festival begging him not to leave. He told me he won a scholarship there. That was pretty cool. Over all I think God was calling me to the prayer tent to make me more comfortable operating in the gifts of the spirit.. We have been facing some very major and minor trials quite constantly for over a year. I fact the way they have piled up and coming virtually out of nowhere is kind of laughable. God is forcing me into position where I cannot think about the future only to operate in the present. It is clearly the refiner’s fire. Again I think the ministry I am being refined for has to do with the end of days. If you have watched my video on The end of days or the follow up then you are aware of what I am talking about. There was something I was quite confused about this fall and it seemed like I was off in my interpretation, which I now think is not the case. Quite recently I had a dream in which my mother, my sister and myself hid in the basement of a home preparing and seeking shelter from a major storm we knew was likely to destroy the whole house and possible us as well. Shortly after that we found out my mom has stage IV cancer. I was convinced the fall that that my grandmother passed would be the beginning of very serious end times developments as it was shown to me in my dreams a correlation between my Grandmothers health, upheaval in that side of the family specifically in a fall time setting and end of days stuff. Everything but the end of days stuff happened so I was quite confused. I know have come to realize that there was more to the story. My mother has virtually the same disease my Grandmother passed of in the fall and my mother was my Grandmother’s sole caretaker during that time. If all that stuff is not over but continuing when it seemed over then the time line is not closed either, but remains open as long as my mother is alive, unless that were to continue to develop further with other family members. Clearly though my Grandmother’s passing was a sign for me to get serious about all this stuff if nothing more. More recently I had yet another dream that was divided into three parts, but I can now only recall the first part. I was a sort of failing Moses. In the dream I was Moses leading the Israelites out of Egypt. God showed me what he was going to do and I was quite confident of it, but I pulled an Abraham. I starting making actions to “help God along” I tried to secure supplies I thought we would need instead of looking to God and even thought God was using me, I was failing because I was distracted by what I thought I needed to do but I was not living in the present to hear what God wanted me to do in the moment. Please don’t take this dream to say I am claiming to be a second Moses or anything, but I think it is just about call. I have a call on my life, God is clear about it, it will be miraculous and amazing and I think I am being called to help people find safety and God during the end times, but it will be better for myself and everyone else if I just focus on listening and following God. Easier said then done.

Monday, April 22, 2013

How to hear that Still Small Voice of God

Sometimes I struggle with how to hear God’s still small voice. Below is an example of a time where it was more clear to me. I was out on our deck. I looked at the church in our backyard and saw 7 lights on the church, which in revelation represents the church and that was brought to my attention. Seconds later I looked to the right and saw 3 short poles in the parking lot that immediately made me think of the trinity, and the fact that God is in front of the church. Then I looked again to the right and saw a power transformer and I had the thought God’s power is behind him. I then understood that I was to continue turning in a clockwise motion to see what God was revealing to me. Looking to the right I saw a stained glass window I created sitting in our kitchen window and I knew behinds God’s power was God’s love. I then saw a pot of flowers and knew that God’s creation reveals his truth, his love and his power. I then saw our chiminea and thought of God’s all-consuming wrath and holiness. After the refiners fire I saw my rows of strawberry plants and though how God has plans for our lives that bear fruit and he is the gardener. I was then back at the church where I had started in the first place. This entire move on my spirit was clearly thoughts placed in my mind. I spent no energy trying to decipher what was being said by particular things. I was drawn to items and words were put on my heart. This sort of things has happened more than once, but it just clarifies how God sometimes speaks. Most of the time however, it doesn’t seem to be that easy. I really have to work to get to a place I hear God clearly. For the past few months God has been quite clear to me that I need to live in the present. I am so consumed finding whatever challenge or call God has next that I often neglect the present and the present is always where God is reaching out his hand to connect with us. I have tried to put things into practice to help. I am praying several times a day, reading about 10 chapters in the Bible a week, reading pages and pages of commentary on those scriptures and also listening to multiple audio sermons a week. But what I have discovered is that unless I really slow down to tune in first I really don’t get a lot of depth. For me a prayer doesn’t always cut it, even if it is genuine. Regular Shabbats on Friday night have also helped clear my mind and begin to understand God’s rest. For once I am able to enjoy and be at peace instead of feeling restless because I am not getting things done as I have in the past. I never really knew how to rest until I experienced the fullness of true rest in Shabbat. That has been one of the more recent tastes, but more was to come. A few weeks ago I hit another break through. In trying to learn more survival skills I came across the phenomenon of bird language. The real study of bird language is much deeper then it sounds. It is also about reading all the other signs and alarms animals give in the wilderness. The kind of guys I am taking cues from are known for their ability to sneak up and touch deer in the wild. Yes they are that good. It is not made up and once you understand how they do it, a while new world of thinking will open to you. God has spoken to me through nature several times and why not? God created us to be stewards of an Earth that reflects God in amazing ways. The world of man is almost detached from the world God created. If you want to see and observe nature up close, to really understand it, that requires serious sensitivity and awareness. To see and understand nature, we need to slow down far beyond even what we view as slow. We need to dump our baggage and stand in awe of God’s creation. We need to observe respectfully, thankfully with a clear mind and a clear heart that is sensitive to everything around it. That still small voice of God is not usually a shofar blast and we need to continually tune ourselves to hear him. In order to be aware of nature you have no choice but to learn to live in the present and to be filled with God’s “shalom.” I have discovered that quite naturally I am able to pick up on things, I am very sensitive, but because I am so sensitive it is very difficult to function in the modern world at the same time, so I have created an alternative mode to operate in and detached myself from the sensitive mode. In my sensitive mode I am almost unaware of time, lost in the moment, full of gratitude with a mind continually day dreaming. Being sensitive it is easily to be disrupted in the modern world and flip automatically into a protection mode, but when you do that you lose the sensitivity and intuition. My job includes a very tight schedule and it causes me to be efficient and focused on my time management skills, which constantly forces me to prioritize whatever is happening and ignore the things I do not have time to fully observe for effectiveness sake. I have discovered this mode I am forced to be in just to function on the modern world puts so much stress on me it causes me to overeat, to react pessimistically and to be ungrateful and apathetic. Not only am I learning how to turn this sensitive mode on, I need to learn to create a hybrid mode between the protection mode and sensitive/awareness mode.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Dream of coming Chaos...

This is excerpt from my journal from 9-8-2004. I mention it now because some other dreams I had around the same time pointed toward an upcoming Autumn as being a dangerous time, particularly late Sept/early Oct. I never knew which fall, but one dream involved a serious concern about my grandmother's health and the reaction of that side of the family around the same time of the Autumn in question. (It is now June2012 and as of a few weeks ago we just found out she has cancer and is terminal. They are not not saying how long she has left but it doesn't seem like more then a few months tops.) However, even before I received that news those there were other signs and information I heard suggesting clearly that it might well be soon. Perhaps not this fall, but I think things are getting close.

Circa 9-8-2004... Then I had another dream. I was at home, and looked out the window. There I saw a tree quickly loosing all of it’s leaves. I felt that things would seriously begin to change when all the leaves had fallen and I knew the time was very short. The leaves were still green though, indicating to me that the time was earlier fall, specifically late September or early October. It was apparent the leaves would all fall off long before they typically would. I then went out side to an alter I had (only in the dream, I don't really have an alter) at he back corner of our property. This was a direct communication with God. I would pray and ask God many questions. Then I would go about my business at home and work but very often would check back and see if God had given me any answers or new messages. I wanted to stay at the alter day and night, but I knew it was important for me to go out into the world and do what needed to be done, it was part of my duties as a keeper of the alter. While I was about to go back about my business I was shown a vision of young people running, most of them were running away in the woods with dress shoes and nicer clothes, not clothes you would typically be in the woods with. They had no equipment or anything else. One boy fell and broke his arm severely; he got up as quick as he could, ignoring all the pain to continue running. I could not see anything they were running from, but it became apparent they did not know where they were running to. I could see they were lost near where I thought my temporary place of hiding should be, but I was not there and could not help them, nor was I permitted to. This vision ceased and I went back to the alter to consult God, eagerly awaiting and expecting a message since the time was near, but it was slow in coming. I stood at the alter for a very long time waiting and other people began to notice. My neighbor came over. I was scared he would try to take away my alter and would not understand how important it was. So I looked inside and before he could touch the alter, I reached in and pulled out a large map. I handed him the map and he was very pleased he went away and I went about my business still looking back waiting for a message in the alter. Then I woke up. I did not know this map was in the alter, even though it was a material thing it had been placed there by God for my benefit, that I might use it in this way so that I could focus on God without distraction.

I believe this dream was telling me that the time is now very short, but I must go about my business. There will be Chaos around me and I may want to flee, but I must wait for God to tell me when and where to go. It is a secret and if others found out before hand they would certainly be sent out to destroy it and myself. Not because the hate me or hate God, but because anyone who does not belong to Christ, can be used by Satan as his pawn because they misunderstand. I need to have patience and wait on the Father.

In the last few years after this initial dream, I have had numerous other dreams that reference a specific area and some sort of forgotten, or prepared place. Whether this is the location of a place of safety, just a place along the path to get there, or just a symbolic tool I do not know. It is clear though that God is reminding me he is sovereign and he has a plan to protect me. I am tempted to expand on details, but that is something I am certain must be sealed up for now. Many things in my dreams seem to be strong suggestions and hint to how things unfold in my life, but not direct messages as it is not yet time for it to be totally revealed Link to a similar dream http://jehoiakimsblog.blogspot.com/2011/06/dream-man-oblivious-to-gods-judgements.html .

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

1st Century Jewish perspectives of Heaven and Hell.

Recently I listened to a challenging 4 part series entitled “What about Heaven and Hell?” by D. Thomas Lancaster (ffoz.com). For many years I have known that Greek influence has shaped Christianity’s concept of Heaven and Hell, but I never knew how much or to what extent. Lancaster presents a very clear 1st century Jewish understanding of Heaven and Hell that adds a wonderfully rich and important context to our faith. If you are at all interested in the study it is available through First Fruits of Zion and is well worth the mere $25. If you plan to listen to the CDs be aware that the rest of this blog might be a spoiler. Some of the below has my own added thoughts, but the majority of it are concepts borrowed from Lancaster’s presentation.

Lancaster clarifies there are several Jewish terms and concepts that have been translated into modern translations as “Hell.” Sheol is one of them, and any Bible scholar will tell you it is better translated as a synonym for “grave” not as Hell. Sometimes our translations confuse the terms and label them all as “Hell.” Currently, modern translations have corrected some of the confusing portions by using more distinct terms (Sheol=Hades, Gehenna = Hell). An example of how we have misunderstood Sheol can be seen where Jesus says the gates of Hell shall not prevail against the church (Mt.16:18). Modern translations have corrected to Hell to Hades. Gates are not offensive, they are defensive, they bind. For a very long time we have assumed Jesus was talking about the power of Hell, Satan or his demons, but it is not. As Sheol it is telling us that “death” shall not prevail against the church. It foreshadows our future resurrection as Believers! Death has no power over us! Understanding the text as “Evil shall not prevail” although doctrinally correct, in actuality not what Christ meant. Suddenly that particular scripture makes a lot more sense! This same issue presents itself in the Apostles’ Creed where it says Jesus descended into Hell (after his death). Jesus descended not into Hell, but Hades/Sheol/the grave, but it is was interpreted poorly as Hell which is quite a different meaning.

Lancaster also points out that there is a lot of confusion in Christian circles whether Christians actually go directly to heaven when thy die, or if they wait to be raised from the dead. Paul says that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, and Jesus says to the thief on the cross “Today you will be with me in paradise.” Jesus also gives us the parable of the rich man and Lazarus and refers to Abraham’s Bosom or Lap as the “place of reward” Lazarus goes to prior to resurrection. It is however not heaven as we think of it. The rich man is in Hades, but in a portion of Hades that is under suffering and punishment. It seems clear from this description that this “place of punishment” in Hades is quite similar to Gehenna/Hell, but it is not. It is still part of Hades. It is interesting to note at this point that both the major schools of thought in traditional 1st century Judaism were that of Hillel and Shammai, and they both believed that Punishment in the afterlife was only temporary, similar to Purgatory. Jesus never corrects those traditional views and embraces other parts of those traditions openly. This suggests Christ may have believed the same, or at least that he didn’t have a problem with his followers believing in a temporary “place of punishment.” Both this “place of reward/paradise” and “place of punishment” are located in Sheol or Hades. They are a holding place until the resurrection of the dead.

The 1,000 year reign or Millennial kingdom is spoken about in the most detail in Revelation. After Armageddon and the 2nd coming, the 1st resurrection (of both living and the dead) occurs. Those who take part in the 1st resurrection are brought in to rule with Christ over the Earth for 1,000 years in their new and sinless bodies. We are told the rest of the dead (the unrighteous) are not raised to life until later. The biblical phrase “Kingdom of God” always refers to the Messianic Kingdom to come, not heaven as is popularly assumed.

The 2nd resurrection takes place after the Messianic Kingdom and involves all those who died during prior the Millennium and did not take part in the 1st Resurrection. All will be given new bodies. Lancaster points out that those who take part in the 2nd resurrection will be judged not upon belief in Christ, but on “what they had done” (Rev 20:12). Scripture tells us after that resurrection and judgment that death and Hades will be thrown into the “Lake of Fire” (which seems synonymous with term Gehenna/Hell). Lancaster suggests that some that had lived in the “place of punishment” might escape the “Lake of Fire,” otherwise it seems redundant to give the dead new bodies, judge them and put them back in a new “place of punishment,” Gehenna. He also references those 1st century Jewish traditions of a temporary “place of punishment.” Lancaster’s points are interesting; I cannot say I am convinced.

I believe I have an alternately plausible explanation. We know that death (Sheol) and Hades are thrown into the “Lake of Fire” after the 2nd resurrection and judgment, so I think it is safe to assume that the non-resurrected peoples who live during the Millennial Kingdom will still have to deal with physical death. When Christ comes to rule as Messiah, belief in “who Christ is” will no longer be debatable. It will be plain for all to see. We also know Satan will cause a rebellion at the end. People will still choose not to follow Christ and rebel even though they know full well who Christ is. Certainly these people must be judged according to their deeds because their situation is far different then those before the Millennial reign and as I mentioned before (belief in Christ’s identity is no longer debatable). That still does not rule out possible redemption for those who died before the Millennium and suffered in “the place of punishment,” but it does explain why those in the “Great White Throne Judgment” were judged according to “what they had done.”

According to Revelation after the Millennial Reign, the next destination is the New Heaven and the New Earth, which is what we more traditionally think of as Heaven. Lancaster makes some great points throughout the series on how Christian views of Heaven seem to fall short and disappoint many of us. I can recommend a book entitled “Heaven,” by Randy Alcorn if you are looking for reasons to actually be excited about going to Heaven. Alcorn is far more Traditional Christian in his outlook, but he gets most of the major concepts and creates a far more interesting picture of heaven then I have heard before. However, the book is, in my opinion, unnecessarily lengthy.

Lancaster briefly suggests the scriptures might be talking about The Lake of Fire as Annihilation for those left in “the place of punishment” after the Great White Throne Judgment, but he doesn’t go much further. I have expanded my own ideas on the matter. When Death and Hades are thrown into the “Lake of Fire” it seems to suggest that the Lake of Fire is something different then just a “place of punishment”. Why would God throw “a place of punishment” right back into a place that is just like “the place of punishment?” That indicates the “Lake of Fire” could be Annihilation. Mainstream Christianity may argue that this is not what the scriptures say, but I urge you to take a second look. I found these after some of my own devotions.

Malachi 4:1-3 God will "burn up" the wicked at the judgment, and they will be ashes under the sole of the feet of the righteous. "For, behold, the day cometh, it burneth as a furnace; and all the proud, and all that work wickedness, shall be stubble; and the day that cometh shall burn them up, saith Jehovah of hosts, that it shall leave them neither root nor branch...they shall be ashes under the soles of your feet in the day that I make, saith Jehovah of hosts"

Matthew 10:28 Both body and soul are destroyed in hell. "And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell."

John 3:16 Those who don't believe in Jesus shall perish and not receive eternal life.
(according to Traditional Christian beliefs the non believers also have eternal life, it is just eternal life in Hell. That is inconsistent with this verse)

1 Corinthians 15:12-49 Only those who belong to Christ will be raised with imperishable, immortal bodies, all others perish as a man of dust.

Annihilationists argue that the word translated “everlasting” in many verses about hell could be translated “unquenchable.” In the New Heaven and the New Earth we are told that God will wipe away every tear from our eyes and there will be no more sorrow and no more death. It is hard to imagine how those that are in heaven could be comforted knowing that relatives, and other loved ones would be suffering in Hell. If, however, they cease to exist and are annihilated, it makes it far easier to accept because there is an end to their suffering. It also speaks of the mercy of God. Annihilationism is not as obscure an interpretation as some might believe. Two very well known modern Biblical Scholars, John Stott and Ben Witherington III are proponents of this theory. Supposedly some of the early church fathers such as Irenaeus, Justin Martyr and Ignatius may have suggested the concept as well.

Interesting huh?!

Friday, September 9, 2011

How Big is God... ramblings of a Mad Man

I think God is so big we really can't fathom it. Sometimes in feeble human attempts to understand how big God is people ask questions like, could God have created another universe or other planets with life and died there as a sacrifice also? Yeah maybe, but what if it is bigger then that. What if there are an infinite number of parallel dimensions. This makes the idea of predestination really interesting if you follow me here...

Imagine if you will, that every decision or choice we make exists as some sort of alternate dimension. If God knows everything we have ever thought, could think or would think, maybe in the mind of God all those decisions and variants to our life are as real as we are in the form of some alternate dimension/s. Maybe there is a dimension where I was saved at 9 years old, one where I was saved at 10, one where I was saved at 11, some where I was not saved at all. Every choice, every crossroads could be the creation of a new dimension. The amount of universes would truly be infinite, and we know God is infinite so it is plausible. We would have to understand though that we are not those people, we exist in our own dimension and those other versions of ourselves are their own unique soles.

Is any of that true... I have no idea, could it be true? I don't know, maybe, so why would it matter, well it is a start to understanding how big God really is because even if none of what I said above was true, certainly God is that big if not bigger. That whole concept is scary to a lot of people, but to me it is strangely comforting.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

I was asked, "how do you know God's will?"

Some one asked me the following…
What is Gods plan? How do you understand it? What do you do to follow it?

Hopefully most of us know and practice the things I am going to list, in some ways I am stating the obvious, but I feel it is important to bring up none the less so we can understand them in context and see the abstract picture.

1. We know that God is unchanging and consistent because he is perfect, so the most important step is to study the word, (especially the words of Christ because that seems to be the clearest to understand) so you always have a foundation to compare life circumstances to.

2. Repent and continually measure your heart and motives against his word to keep yourself in check and commit to follow him and before he can lead you recognize that you need to "submit yourself as a living sacrifice" you need to surrender to him if you expect him to lead you to his will.

3. Pray, and pray with #2 in mind constantly making sure your motives are correct, ask God your questions and give him time to respond. Sometimes when we ask, not always, but sometimes, thoughts are placed in our head to guide us toward his will.

4. Use your brain and reason, but make sure it is not the only step you use and the bulk of it should be while you are praying so that you know what to ask God. From my experience if you give God the opportunity to answer, you are open to hearing him and keep your heart in check, if he doesn't give you an answer it is because you will reason out God's will and you don't need an answer from him. God gave us brains and sometimes I think Christians forget that, we spend all day asking and because we don't get a clear answer we remain idle. If he isn't clear about an answer then we probably already have it, or the path we are on will lead there.

5. Sometimes God gives us a sign and closes or opens doors, but don't allow yourself to think about it too much. Just be aware and include those observations in your prayer and reasoning.

6. Make sure in all you do you are reflecting the characteristics of God, especially love and mercy.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

The Vision that Changed my Life!

Welcome to the blog entry that will convince you I am totally and completely out of my mind. For that reason I haven’t shared this story with many people, and those I have shared it with, for the most part are not people I know in real life, I just did it via email. I have only actually told this story in person 4 times, but it changed my life forever. If you are close to me and are wondering why I never told you specifically, it probably because it is long, personal, confusing and to be honest I can’t really get through it without crying. Those that know me, understand that I would never dare to make this up because I fear the Lord way too much.

It happened Jan 16, 2004. This experience was a vision, not a dream, that is it was happening while I was fully awake and conscious. This is also the very brief and condensed version of the story, my journal entry is 10 types pages long. I don’t believe God “zaps” people often so I realize this experience was quite rare. This experience turned my spiritual life around, setting me on fire for Christ in a way I didn’t really think was possible.

I was with my friends, unbelievers and we started speaking about God. It wasn’t a very productive discussion, but I was trying. I started to fade, my thoughts were slowing and everything around me seemed to go into slow motion until it eventually stopped. Time was frozen, nothing moved. I could not move myself; my friends were stuck in their same position, the same image flashed on the television screen. Even though everything else was frozen my mind was running at its normal speed. I heard a loud pulsating noise which began to grow in intensity along with a flashing light. With each pulse and flash my mind said "Oh my God I am a being trapped in Hell, Oh my God I'm a being trapped in Hell, Oh my God I'm a being trapped in Hell, "Oh my God I am a being trapped in Hell,” If I said it once, I said it literally thousands of times. I remained frozen and the words sped up in my mind. The pulse became louder and stronger until I could no longer see or hear.

Each time it pulsed, I relived my entire life over in a flash, there was no way out. I experienced my entire existence every second, with every pulse. I said God, if I had one wrong belief that put me here, please destroy me annihilate me. I had wished I had never been born. I begged, please have mercy on me and make my existence cease. I did not feel the presence of God. It was the absence of time, yet it felt like I had been there for eternity. Then the thought was placed in my head by God... "No, I should not be here, I have been made clean by the blood of Jesus Christ. As I said that in my head and the pulse weakened and slowed. I began to relive my life at a slower pace until the point in time I was at in what seemed to be the present, but this time remembering only bits and pieces. I was able to see again.

God put the thought in my head, that I could break this cycle and come into consciousness again, live in the “frequency” man was created to live in. I just needed to break the cycle by doing something I had never done in eternity because I kept reliving my life until the present point. So while I was in eternity I was still in the present if that makes any sense. I saw a glass of water and began to reach for it and I began to doubt the cycle would break, and relived my entire life again up to that point in the pulse. The night was filled with these exercises of God pulling me out of what seemed like the reality of Hell, which was eternity in the present, devoid of hope and absent from God’s presence. Although after the proclamation that Jesus had saved me I felt his presence, but it felt far. I wondered if I would ever function normally again, but at the same time it was more real then anything had ever felt in my life. It was only through faith in his son that I was saved, through his grace.

I’m sparing a lot of details here, the process continued through the night as God grew my faith, but God was prompting me to leave and drive to my one day wife who was babysitting about an hour away. I was afraid to go because of my mental state, but God filled my heart with hope. I was convinced if I did what he asked the struggle would be ok. I knew I was going to go, and I knew I was going to be fine, I just had to get my heart prepared. The second I committed that I would leave right then, time quickened immensely, I was not slowed by even one pulse, or reliving of my life when I had done it countless times in that night. In the car he spoke to me through every song on the radio. Even though they were not spoken by believers, his truth was revealed through them. That night there was only one more pulse when I began to doubt.

When I got to my “wife to be” I told he the story while I was sobbing. My wife remembers this well, she has never seen me like that before or since. I felt if I just went home and fell asleep things would be much better in the morning.

And so it was. I awoke on Saturday, and although I did not have to relive my life in the pulse, God was still speaking to me and I was still in a state completely unaware of time. God taught me much that day, new lessons to strengthen my faith and reliance on him. He also placed many random thoughts in my head to be used as symbols that he strategically used throughout the day to confirm what he was showing me.

At times during the day I grew frustrated and impatient at my total unawareness to time, I wanted just to feel normal again. While at work I heard a train and God placed a thought in my mind, "the train will remind you to be patient." Later that day, when I was about to get frustrated, I heard the train another two or three times, the timing was perfectly inline with my frustration. Clearly it was God. Later that night I went again to visit my future wife while she was babysitting. After a few hours I tried to go to sleep on the couch, hoping sleep would correct my state of being. Then I heard one of the boys come home and immediately I was upset knowing the boy would want to play and keep me up. He came in the door wearing a train engineer's cap and blowing a wooden train whistle. Later that night when again I was about to sleep the younger boy came to talk to me and I was annoyed, then he asked me to read him a story. It was the "little engine that could", the children's story about the train. That was the sort of thing that happened throughout the day as God instructed me and spoke to me.

After that day I again knew sleep would bring me closer to my normal state. When I awoke Sunday morning I was healed completely and filled with the spirit for days, more than I have ever felt in my life. Ever since then I have been on fire for the Lord.

As I said early on this is a very abbreviated version, that really skips over some of the ways God confirmed and spoke things to me. If you are interested in the long version send and email to Jehoiakim777@gmail.com and let me know. Just be prepared to read 10 pages worth and I suggest you read it all in one sitting.